Stress can become an all-encompassing feeling. As you strive to achieve all the goals in your life, satisfy the demands being made of you, accomplish all the tasks you need, must, or ought to do you may feel that you have nothing left to give. The stress of these situations can be completely draining. It can occupy your thoughts, dreams, invade all the space inside your head as you constantly worry, fret and remain pre-occupied and absorbed with all you have to do. It’s no wonder that there is often little energy, time or interest left for sex when we are stressed.
Learn to manage stress and notice how your sex life improves:
• Associated feelings often accompany stress. Emotions like anger, resentment, jealousy and anger can impact the way you behave when you’re with others. When you feel upset or distressed with colleagues, friends, family or partner it can influence the way you relax elsewhere. You may find that stress from one area seeps into another area of your life as negative emotions and pressure increases and becomes more difficult to contain. There may be a desire not to burden those closest to you, or feelings of embarrassment at being in this situation. Often sharing your stresses can help you feel better and more supported.
• There may be resentments at feeling that you’re doing everything, anger that you’re taken for granted, unappreciated, that others should offer to help and do more but don’t, jealousy that others get all the recognition and accolades whilst you do all the work. Feeling stressed makes these scenarios more hurtful and difficult to bear. Negative emotions can eat away at you and are not conducive to a good sex life. Hypnotherapy can help you relax and let go of negative feelings and emotions and feel better able to cope. As you learn to manage stress more effectively you’ll become more confident, assertive and able to relax, have fun in your relationships and subsequently notice how your sex life improves.
• Introducing boundaries is an important way to learn to manage stress. Become aware of how much of your power you give away to others. Do you allow people to constantly interrupt your life with their demands, problems, issues? It’s no wonder that you’re too emotionally drained for sex. You may even find that when they’re not speaking directly to you their voices still resonate in your head. Introducing boundaries, becoming appropriately assertive, but not aggressive can help to even out the balance in demanding relationships and allow other people to become aware that you too have a life that you’re determined to enjoy.
• Work is an area that occupies many people’s thoughts and causes them stress. Do you feel that you take on too much, perhaps out of a desire to prove that you’re good, competent, capable? Managing time better can help with this as busy people often start several tasks at once in a bid to make inroads into their overflowing pile of outstanding work. If you’re asked to take on work that’s urgent try to delegate other tasks, explain to management what else you’re working on, prioritize your list of outstanding jobs and try to give yourself a little latitude, maybe explain the need for extra time. Sometimes there is no leeway with urgent deadlines and long hours have to be worked. But as a constant way of life stress ultimately damages your health, drains your energy, good humour and quality of life in a variety of ways.
• Learn to manage stress and eat healthier, have regular meal breaks, drink more water and manage your caffeine and alcohol intake, exercise and commit to having fun interests, avoid going too long without sleep and burning the candle at both ends. These commitments to yourself improve how you feel about yourself, support you in feeling calmer, less tired, more fit and healthy. All these actions improve your desire to feel more inclined to enjoy a healthy sex life.
Libido is one part of sexual functioning. Your mind is an important factor too. Clearing your mind of worries and anxieties, feeling less tired and drained, more relaxed and happier within yourself all contribute to you managing stress. As you do this you will certainly notice how your sex life improves.
Susan Leigh is a Counselor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.
Further help, advice and articles are available. For more information email, telephone or visit her website.